DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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