weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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