Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
