So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
