How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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