did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
