Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
