Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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