i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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