Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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