he thought i was a dude.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
