Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
