there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
