How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
