I think I won the penis lottery.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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