I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
