All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
