Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
