Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
