I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
