Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
