nut hugger
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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