my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
