**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
