Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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