She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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