we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
