I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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