Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize