Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
