If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
