She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
