I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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