I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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