well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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