Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
