it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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