Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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