1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
