I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
