So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
