Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
