my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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