I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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