Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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