well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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