she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
