garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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