Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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