you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
we're so committed to being not committed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
