i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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