where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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