fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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