My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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