ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
