does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
