Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
