we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
