I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
