I feel like I'm in dance class right now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
