do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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