i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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