How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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