There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
