In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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