everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
