u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
