this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
