Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
