also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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