Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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