I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
