none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My sheets look like a crime scene.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
