Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
