I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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