I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
