Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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